Archive for the ‘realizations with anna’ Category

2.) Is This The Way It’s Suposed To Feel?

04/06/2009

It snowed today. That sentence alone isn’t all that interesting but this next one will spice things up. It’s April 6th. I suppose that’s what I get for living in this area. I think I could count the sunny days we get a year on my two hands. Everything is cold and tense; I feel it in everyone’s expression. The day felt like it took an eternity to end and I feel so unmotivated and drained. Spring break is in about three days. I have no real plans other than fitting in as many bon fires as you can in a week.

This year everything feels bittersweet. Though I am glad it’s spring break soon; this is the last spring break I’m going to have with the people I went to high school with. Who knows where everyone is going to move and if keeping in touch via myspace or texting will be enough. I know that everyone goes through this; but that doesn’t make it any less personal to every single person who goes through it. I feel like everyone else in the class of 2009 knows exactly what they’re doing and has everything all under control except for me.I have all the people in the world to help me; My sister who is currently going through college– my parents– my Aunt Regina who is also going through college. I have all of the resources I need to get started, I’m just unsure of how to use them.  It’s like walking into a gym having all the machines you need and can’t figure out how to position your body to make the work out effective.  I feel lost and alone. Normally I’m very sure of myself and it turns my world upsidown knowing that I’m sliding in the middle of a transition. It makes me irritable and tired. I can’t wait for summer.. but I don’t want high school to be over.

1.) Ice Breaking First Post

04/06/2009

Normally people start a “first post” with a ..”hello my name is..” or something a little more cheesy like identifying it as a first post. I however will not allow myself to fall into those categories.  I would like to kick off this blog with a rant. If you knew me this would be shocking… ha. I recently joined tech. Again, for those of you that know me are now staring at their computer screens in awe. Tech is something that I have been fighting for about two years.  It sucked all of my boyfriend’s time and energy and left me sitting at home on the couch eating gram crackers and chocolate frosting. But as time went on I figured.. if you can’t beat em’ join em’. So I did. and I just finished my first real show. It was time consuming and tiring; but I find myself wishing tomorrow was a fourth show.. and for Tuesday to be a fifth. I made so many new friends and had some life changing experiences. Throughout the show I realized how strong I really am,  how much stress and physical labor I could endure before passing out and even though I may never admit this to my boyfriend, it’s one of the smartest decisions I’ve made for myself. You don’t know discipline until you’ve worked with smith.

With my senior year coming to an end, I have some tough decisions to make.  Where I’m going to move, how in the hell I’m  going to pay for college and what am I going to do this summer. I just  hope that  the college friends gained over the years will cancel out the high school friends lost. With the knowledge  of my elders and peers, I hope I can figure all of this out. Right now my head is spinning in about 1,000 different direction and all I can do is breath and watch the weight everyone else has fall on me.

Now to end this burst of emotion with a goodnight and sweet dreams <3